Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I fill condoms, not promises.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
