Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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