you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
