Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
