No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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