Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
