Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
