My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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