I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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