You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
