Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
