the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
