Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
