the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
