at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
