Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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