my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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