She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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