Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
