well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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