Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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