hell yes lets make some ravioli
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
