Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
