Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
