I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
