if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
