The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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