I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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