Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
