just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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