Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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