The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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