Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
