I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
