I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
