Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Define "chronic" masturbator.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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