I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
