I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
