I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
