I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
