If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
