I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
