im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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