The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
