Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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