So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
