Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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