don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
