i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
