Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
