the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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